Often, when couples are together for many years, they start to look like each other. I’ve noticed this, have you? I don’t think this was the case with Wade and me, but I know I am not objective.
I do find that, for me, objects can take on a person’s characteristics and become touchstones. This realization is especially strong as I move around the empty spaces in this new life and stumble upon touchstones of Wade. So many of them come from the work we loved doing together on home and garden renovation— his design sketches, tool belt, work gloves, and on and on. Seeing these abandoned symbols of his life bring me as much joy as they do pain. I flip between those two emotions, so aware the power of perspective plays in how well I cope as I go through the process of grieving and writing a book about it.
Most of these touchstones will die their natural death with me, except for one. The wall. Barring epic natural disaster, I know it will stand long after I am gone.
Wade and I did literally tons of renovation during the ten-year transformation of our highly distressed Oxford home, not the least of which was building a 10-foot high retaining wall to support the home’s new front entry. It literally involved moving and building with tons of fieldstone from around the property. It took nearly two years and countless bags of cement, which I mixed according to Wade’s prescribed slurry. Only a love for creating and each other could inspire such insanity!
In the years that remained in our time there, I never walked by that wall without seeing him in it. I don’t think that he would have known that had I not written to him about it soon after the wall was completed. When he died, we were many years past selling that house, but what I wrote remained in a frame on his desk. I am glad I left no stone unturned.
The Wall
Stone and mortar
perfectly purposefully positioned.
Perched, balanced.
Nature and Art convene,
an unnatural natural frame.
Solid, composed,
steady, tasteful, silent.
Imposing and yet not.
Holding back tons of pressure . . .
Buried artifacts lie undiscovered.
Pride, sweat, determination.
Hours – passions – dreams.
A simple arrangement
so it seems.
Curve to crevice, perfect and random.
They fit so well you cannot imagine how they ever belonged anywhere else.
Did they speak to you as you said?
You saw the best face at a glance,
while others give at most a glance.
They do not see as I do -
You.
While I write, I listen to music that supports my concentration and emotions. There are so many choices on YouTube. Today’s selection is from the Spirit Tribe Awakening channel. Healing Miracle Tone 432Hz | Positive Vibe | Healing Love Energy Cleanse | Meditation Chillout Music. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBLDIV9LNKY
My book, Good Grief - What you think you feel, is planned for Fall of 2019.